You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
