I just saw a hot homeless man
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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