I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
