Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
