The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
