you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
