We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
