He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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