You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
