I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
