Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
