the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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