too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
