...so i touched it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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