Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
