I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
