I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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