I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
