Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
