my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
