Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
