His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
