I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
