I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
