I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
