Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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