I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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