4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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