I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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