fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
