he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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