I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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