I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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