I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
