Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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