The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
