how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
