my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i've created a new STD.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
