i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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