I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
