at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
