u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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