Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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