Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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