it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
