I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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