Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
