I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
