I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sober January is a disaster.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
