if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
