So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
