I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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