she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My liver just broke up with me...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
