I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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