Whod you bang
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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