I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
