Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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