Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
