Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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