I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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