Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
