i would punch a child for taco bell
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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