Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
