I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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