Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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