Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Barsexuality is the new black.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize